Judul : kripalu center for yoga and health
link : kripalu center for yoga and health
kripalu center for yoga and health
[music] hey, everyone, amber karnes here from bodypositive yoga, and i'm here today with rachel estapa. hey, rachel, how's it going? hi, amber, how are you? great. i'm doing well. i'll tell you a little bitabout rachel, and then we'll get going with
kripalu center for yoga and health , some questions. rachel is a certified coach,writer, and social entrepreneur. she focuses on creating community for plus-sized womento explore health and wellness. through this work she educates plus-sized women on howto redefine what positive body image and health can be, enabling them to lead happier, healthier,more empowered lives. who doesn't need that?
i know. awesome. a lot of people. we'll talk more about the work that you do,but first we want to hear your yoga story. how did you find yoga? how long have you beenpracticing? what keeps you coming back to the mat? yeah, and i'm sure you can identify with this,too. i feel like there are really two yoga stories. there's the one that starts whenyou first go to a class in a studio. then there's the one that happens when you're younger,and you don't really - at least for me, understand
how you've learned to know about your body,and how other people perceive it. i guess i'll start with the younger story first, isthat, from an early age - i'm sure a lot of women are like this too, where you're putinto ballet and to situations where you're taught to be girly or feminine. right offthe bat, i was like i don't look like these girls, i don't move like these girls, i reallydon't like pink tutus. it really started to make me feel like my body was something toapologize for. it wasn't until my teacher said, "rachel, you don't have any grace. maybeyou would like acrobatics." i was 7 years old at the time. dang.
i know, right? i remember it so vividly - andso hurt, but i also started moving into acrobatics. for those that don't know what acrobaticsis, it's not gymnastics, but it's more like the tumbles and the powerfulness of your body.i was like, whoa, i feel so great when i'm moving, and bending, and doing cartwheels,and backbends, and headstands, and handstands. my body felt more conditioned for that, buti still had a lot of shame and guilt that i wasn't the right body for the pretty things.fast forward to maybe my early 20's. i always heard about yoga. from a life of weight lossand dieting, i knew that a lot of people did yoga, but i saw no one looking like me doingyoga. it's actually one of my funny stories. the first time i did yoga was horrible. ithink a lot of other women that enter into
it, too, they have that really poor experienceat the front end. i went to this yoga studio around the corner from where i just movedto, outside of boston. i was all gung-ho. i think i bought my first mat, and it wasnot great. it was a hot yoga class, thinking like, okay, maybe it's a little warm. i don'tknow. i had never done any yoga before in my life. i get there, and it's women thatdon't look like me, which is - i was self-conscious, but i was like, i'm doing this, this soundsgreat, it should be great for my body, i like to stretch and move. about 15 to 20 minutesin, during this sarah mclaughlin song, i just all of a sudden get so light headed, fromthe heat, from the exhaustion, feeling like i had to compete with people in the class.i was going to pass out. i run out of the
studio, and mind you i'm in boston and it'sthe middle of january. oh no. it is honestly, two or three degrees. i'min this thin, little tank top, and i run out into this super-super busy street. peopleare all walking around, and i'm panting. someone says, "you don't look like you belong in thatclass. oh my god, people are so stupid. i was like, i went back in, and i just sortof chilled there for a half an hour. i think that's where my stubbornness kicks in wherei'm - i'm just going to sit here because i'm here for a reason. i've always believed that.i may not understand it, but i'm here for
a reason, and i stuck with it. i continuedto go to classes. not that studio, i figured, hot yoga not for me. i'm not great in theheat, but the more that i went to classes that felt welcoming to me, and teachers, ijust stuck with it. i really - i wonder what made me think about that, what made me staywith the practice. i think it was because back then i felt really shameful and guiltyabout my body. when some teachers and other people were talking about my body and howi was experiencing it, it was the first time that i started to feel graceful in my body.that really hit home for me. yoga, and then how i've developed my own body acceptance,they're so intertwined that one doesn't occur without the other. that's the - the poor beginningsof what now is probably one of the most enjoyable
parts of my life. that's awesome. i was getting ready to - foryou to say that you passed out when you went from hot to cold because it's like that bigchange of body temperature - that's like what - i guess if you go to a bikram class, i'venever been, but i've been to hot yoga, but not that specifically. they don't let youleave the room, and because they don't - get out of my way. they don't want your body temperature to droptoo quick. anyway, well, that's a funny story, but i'm sure it wasn't funny at the time. no, it was embarrassing. it was - i mean ithink that's - a lot of women, that are larger,
that go into yoga, i think that they're just- there's almost this intrinsic level of - at the front door it's - you're like, do i belonghere? am i allowed to be here? the work that you do, and the showings that i'm doing withmy yoga practice, there's so many of us that just have to be okay with that discomfortat first. yeah. a lot of it is just our own ideas about whatwe're allowed to do with the body that we have. yeah, and it's not like we came up with thoseideas, right? if images are not shown to us of people in bodies that look like ours, doingyoga, especially in yoga marketing and the
images that the studios are putting forth,or that yoga magazines or whatever, then yeah, it can set up an expectation that we don'tbelong in those spaces. i think it's true that the more of us that can be a little bitbrave and show up and be visible in those spaces as fat women, and fat people of allgenders, i think it makes it a little easier for every fatty that comes after us. i reallythink visibility is important. i mean, that's why a lot of people throw shade at the wholeyoga selfie thing, but for me and i know for a lot of other people in larger bodies it'sbeen the instagram phenomenon, and everything has been awesome. we finally get to see peoplein bodies like ours doing these same poses or exercises that we do, which can be reallypowerful, i think, for a lot of folks.
it is, and i think i get asked a lot, whyis this movement, body acceptance, but also maybe plus-size yoga, let's call it that justfor the sake. why is it growing so quickly? i think that what you just said is the individualbeing able to participate in the community is humungous. my work with mortal love istwo things where i'm educating and teaching women on principles around body acceptanceand applying it to their lives, but also encourage that you're allowed to show your process.you're allowed to show and snap a photograph or share a thought no matter where you arein your life. that's really how i approach confidence building, this sort of - you don'twait for the day when you have it because that day never comes. it's taking pressureoff of having to be somewhere with loving
yourself, and building confidence, and thencome out into the world and say, "here i am." show the vulnerability. show yourself in awkwardsituations. show your little triumphs and your little victories. your community aroundyou - it's so amazing that the scariest things that you think are horrible to post with theworld, end up being what people cheer and rally you around. that's really what i getexcited about, is helping people see that no matter where you are in your life, no matterwhat your story is, you can share yourself and people will resonate with what you justshared. for sure, so tell us - you mentioned moreto love. tell us about that class. what is it? who's it for? how can folks get involved?
yeah, so i run a class, an online course calledmore to love class. it's a month-long, interactive program where day-by-day i presentexercises and activities to the people, to the women in the group on ways to build bodyacceptance. it's a combination of things that are internal. how do you handle when you wantto beat yourself up about your appearance, or just insecurity comes about? how do youhandle that with real, proven tools? also, we add fun in there. there's a day for yoga,there's a day for movement, there's a little bit of intuitive eating. how do you feel confidentin your appearance when you go to work, or go out into the world? it's very holistic,but it's day-by-day inviting and prompting women to be creative about how they're goingto own their own body acceptance. the other
layer of it, too, is that everything happenscollaboratively. within this very safe and private online portal, every woman in theclass becomes both the share-ee and the supporter and encourager of everybody else. it's reallythis amazing, soul-happy community that just forms organically based around women thathave similar experiences, but all bring a different flavor, or sharing, or insight thaton your own, when you do it by yourself, you don't have the ability to have that perspective.so it's really this amazing soul happy community that just forms organically based around womenthat have similar experiences but all bring a different flavor, or sharing, or insightthat on your own, when you do it by yourself, you don't have the ability to have that perspective.
so it starts - i probably should have saidthat way earlier. oh, no, that's okay. it starts april 9th which is thursday, april9th with a big kick-off, a video call, which is the first time i'm going to be doing avideo call with it, just so everyone can see each other, and get familiar with each other,and be present as a community while i kick off the group. that's awesome. i will link to your site wherefolks can find more about that and join in the post that accompanies this video. duringthe more to love class, i know you - i think i read on your site that it's all groundedin health at every size principles, so can
you talk a little bit about that and maybewhy you landed on health at every size for a personal approach to your wellness? yeah. for me, from a very early age, likei said with my other story, i felt like i had to change my body, that no matter howmuch i exercised - and i was a really active kid. i played soccer and sports all throughhigh school and elementary. i was just constantly on the go. i have polycystic ovarian syndrome,which at the time no one knew what that was. i've had it since i was a young kid but thenobviously when you get your period is really when it starts to ramp up. i followed weightwatchers programs; that was probably my diet of choice even though that it is not a diet;it's a plan, and i had success on it. i mean,
i'm not going to lie. when you follow thosethings, things do change in your body. diets work in the short term, for sure. right. there's a cost to it. i was exhaustedfrom constantly being hyper-aware of everything that i ate, everything that i did with mybody, everything i didn't do that made me feel guilty about it, and i just reached abreaking point where i lost 50 to 60 pounds and i still wasn't there. i still wasn't thinenough. i was like, something's got to give. this doesn't make me feel good. all of thebenefits that i was told about weight loss, they haven't arrived, and the collateral damageon myself was really too great. i came to health at every size not because i saw itand i thought let me try that. i came to it
basically saying i'm giving up on this approachto my body, my lifestyle of always having to fix it, and i was kind of relieved butthen terrified because i didn't know what to do. that's really where more to love startedbecause i was like, you know what? what happens if i take responsibility for myself? whathappens if i do little things every single day that make me feel good? through the courseof a year, i really spent a year actively, purposefully trying to instill confidence,and be more courageous, and be bolder, and connect with people, and connect with my bodyin ways that made me feel so much better. my health improved. i went to the gym waymore than i went even when i was actively trying to lose weight. i learned that there'sthis thing called health at every size, and
so i came to it a little later on from myown journey to it. i thought this is wonderful. there's this community and this perspectivethat - forget about the number. let's just let the number pass away for a minute. whatare the things that you're doing with your mind, your body, your heart, your spirit,your emotional well-being, and your physical well-being that are making you feel wholeand are balancing and honoring parts of you that make you feel good and make you feellike you're an active person in your life? i got that right away. i read linda bacon'sbook and connected with some folks in the community, and read "health at every size."when it came to creating more to love, i knew that i wanted to instill this sense that youhave resources and tools already innately
within you that make you feel loved, makeyou feel like you are connected to your body, make you feel like you don't have to be embarrassed,make you feel like you're sane around food and movement. that's really what i've appliedwith the more to love class, the how-to of body acceptance. i love that, and i like how you kind of speakabout health at every size from a perspective that it gives us back some of our in agencyaround health and wellness. i think for those of us that've been wrapped up in diet culturewhere the direction comes from the outside, you have a list of foods, or you have certainfoods that you can eat, or a certain amount of calories, someone - you're relying onsome expert out there who supposedly knows
more about your body than you,which they don'tby the way. no one knows what to tell anyone to eat. there's no one universal diet thatworks for everybody. relying on that outside source to tell you you can eat that, you can'teat that, this is how much you should be moving, this is how you should be moving, it reallytakes our power away, and i think health at every size can be very empowering for a lotof folks in that way, that they get to decide how do i want to move my body in a way thatmakes me feel good and joyful, or what foods are nourishing to me? what foods maybe don'tmake me feel so great? getting in tune with those things and having that more embodiedrelationship with ourselves i think can be a huge component of mental health but alsowith physical health, too.
absolutely. if i had to sum up what my workis about, it's the skill of learning how to listen to yourself. that's something thatmost people, no matter where they are, what they're dealing with, they don't know. theydon't know how to decipher between the negative inner critic voice versus something that'smore genuine and authentic to yourself. there's a process to that to get clear and to comeback home, in a sense, and that's really what more to love and my work does is provide boththe ideas, the perspective, and the tools to do that but also the space to do it withinthere. that's for me really why i personally love yoga, and i don't post as much as otherpeople do mainly because i'm on all of the time. i'm just be-bopping and you're probablythe same way where you've got a million ideas
and you've just got energy that's just boundless.i've always sort have been like that. yoga is the one space in my life where i reallydon't think about anything else other than what my body is doing and what i'm experiencingfor however long i'm practicing. that, to me, is sacred, and it's not so much i'm doingyoga. it's more like i'm inviting yoga in. being able to be aware of things in your lifethat bring forth that sense of balance and centeredness, it takes a while to sort offind that happy medium and to encourage it because someone's body acceptance may looklike this and other person's might look that like, so if you're still trying to compareagainst what other people are doing and think i should do that, that's going to be counter-intuitive.one of the big things that i define body acceptance
as is being honest. that's it. what that meansis how do you come to be aware with yourself, your thoughts, your habits, the way that yougo out into the world in a way that's not going to make you feel obligated to do something.it's about being real in the moment. sometimes you're tired; do you rest? sometimes you arehungrier than you normally are; do you let yourself eat? sometimes you just look at yourselfin a photo and all of these floods of like oh my god, i can't believe i look like that.how do you sit with that? you're human, and you're the say way. all of us in this movement,our stuff isn't like gone. it's not like you do body acceptance and thenone day, you never have another negative thought at all.
it's learning how to handle it. i always loveto say this, i was like, "oprah and the dalai lama have shitty days." they've got them.they might have a little bit more resources inside but maybe not. it's not this blackor white, either/or, which diet culture completely supports, this right or wrong, this dichotomythat makes you feel like you're either in or you're out. more to love body acceptancehealth at every size is like forget about the right or wrong; just come to what's righthere because it doesn't steer you wrong. that's been my experience. it doesn't steer you wrong. yeah, definitely. what's maybe a tip thatyou would have for somebody that wants to start a yoga or movement practice but they'renot sure where to start or maybe they've had
negative experiences in the past with fitness,and exercise, and whatever? that's great, and what i like to tell peoplewhen they approach health and fitness is think of it has a spectrum, both in the big senseand on the individual side. the only individual spectrum of health and fitness you reallyneed to be concerned with is your own. what you can do as a kid probably isn't what youcan do now because you've changed and evolved. if you approach it in this sort of band ofwhat's available to you right here, right now, you are going to take a lot of pressureoff yourself to run the 5k tomorrow but then hurt your leg in the meantime. one of thethings that i've dealt with for a very long time is i wouldn't say chronic but very persistentlower back and hip pain. even as a kid, i
was very sore and achy and would push myselfway too hard thinking like, "oh, i have to run for soccer tryouts. i really should berunning 3 to 5 miles a day," and it would end up with a really bad injury and pain.one of the things that was hard for me when i adopted health at every size ,especiallyfor the fitness approach, was letting go of the idea of what it had to look like. eventoday, i won't lie. it's still really challenging because if i do a certain thing and push myselftoo much, my body quickly says that's not where we're at. yoga has probably been oneof the best tools for me personally to sort of understand that your body isn't a negotiationin some ways, but it always wins at the end of the day and that it's not worth pushingit and making it do things that it's just
not ready for, or wants to do, or even necessarilyneeds to do. it's just like you got to get on the same team with it and let everyoneelse do their own thing and be comfortable that you've got yours and they've got theirs. yeah, that is great advice. tell us what youhave coming up that you're excited about or that other folks can participate with. yeah, so the biggest piece is that in june,i'm going to the kripalu yoga center in the western part of massachusetts to become atrained and certified yoga instructor. this happened back in october ,and this is kindof the type of person that i am where i have an idea, and i let it sit for a while andsort of see is it calling to me? is it something
that i feel like i want to do in my life?all signals were pointing towards you are embracing yoga; more to love is growing; there'sa huge need for larger bodies to be representative of the practice. for me personally i alwaysloved going to kripalu and it's one of the oldest and most well regarded yoga centersin the united states, maybe even the world. it just sort of had this convergence of nowis the time. i'm going to be living there for a month which is really scary and awesome,but i knew that it also was a great thing because i told my husband about it. i waslike, "it's a month long," and he said, "rachel, you've got to do it. you've got to go" andi told where i work, i was like, "this is a month long," and they were like, "you'vegot to do it." when i applied to the program,
i literally put, "i'm fat. you guys don'thave enough fat people, and that's a shame. i'm going to be the one to change that." that's great. the real announcement will be coming in acouple of weeks from more to love on ways people can sort of be part of this becausethe vision for me is blending the resources, and tools, and coaching perspective that ibrought to more to love with the resources and experience of yoga for larger women. iwant to be able to create some virtual but mainly in-person opportunities, especiallyin the boston area, obviously because that's where i'm from, that do two things: both bringpeople in to the yoga experience but also
support them space-wise and idea-wise so thatthey can apply yoga and wellness for their own bodies and feel like they're allowed toparticipate in something that is changing but still is predominantly white, thin, traditionallyattractive woman doing poses that - even yoga people that have been experts forever.i don't do that. awesome! well congrats, that's really exciting,and we look forward to having you join our ranks. i love every time i hear from or seesomebody that's doing this kind of work, it's very exciting to me. i'm excited for you,and that's awesome. we'll wrap things up with 1 last question. what's one piece of bodypositive advice that you'd give to anybody who's watching the video?
you're allowed to have fun with it, and isay that because i know how sincerely deep and painful it can feel like when you don'tlove your body, that it's very serious, and there's a lot of tender points, but i havefound that in my own life that this sort of lightness - i really try to make more tolove feel upbeat, and positive, and encouraging because i believe that rise the tide, everyoneelse rises with it. when you're approaching body acceptance, you're allowed to let thatlighter side of your life come through because that's what builds confidence, that sort ofplay, and enjoyment, and community collaboration, and that there's a lot of stuff in the worldthat makes people feel larger, like they don't belong here, and it sucks. i really want tohave more to love be a space where you feel
upbeat, where you feel alive, and that youcan share your joys just as much as your pains but you always come back to the excitementof choosing to love your body. that's sort of what i think. have fun with it. now you'reallowed to have fun. you're allowed to have fun now. awesome. thank you so much for all of yourwords of wisdom and for taking the time to talk with us today. everybody can find outmore about rachel in the post that accompanies this video at bodypositiveyoga.com, and we'll put a link to that right below, and we will see you online, rachel.thanks a lot. thank you, amber. thanks, everyone.
bye.[music]
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